You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your face is a jimmy john
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
