i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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