she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
