Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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