I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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