so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
