considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
