Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
