He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
