just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
