Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
even my farts smell like vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
