Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
BRING THE BAGELS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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