he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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