Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
