you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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