I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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