just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
