I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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