dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
