He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
