Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
