1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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