I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
