Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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