FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
