that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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