I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
