Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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