hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
