According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
