How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
