i think my mom watched the whole time
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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