i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
