I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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