He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
