So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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