I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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