There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
