im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
