I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's JV to your varsity
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
