clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
