what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
