3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
