she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
