Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
