The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
