Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
