Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
