apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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