put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
